CGS5: Look at Me When I'm Being Stupid!
by Unkillable
Summary: The long-awaited fifth installment to the Crash Goes Stupid Series! If you value your sanity, the copious amounts of stupidity and wackiness may not be suited for you, in fear that you may complain. Otherwise, enjoy!


CRASH GOES STUPID 5: LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M BEING STUPID!  
  
The long awaited sequel to CGS4: Stupidity Should be Painful, which was the sequel of CGS3: Aww, it's a Rerun, which in turn followed CGS2: Stupider than B4, which was the sequel to the original Crash Goes Stupid.  
  
(Long, no?)  
  
BEWARE: THIS FIC CONTAINS EXCESSIVELY HIGH AND CONCENTRATED AMOUNTS OF PURE, UTTER STUPIDITY. ANYBODY WHOSE I.Q. IS HIGHER THAN 10 SHOULD LEAVE NOW AND FOREVER HOLD THEIR PEACE, LEST THE STUPIDITY PENETRATE YOUR MIND! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Deep in the lair of Dr. Embryo...  
  
Embryo: Gentlemen, behold!  
  
The graffiti-ridden shutter opens to reveal a plate of peas.  
  
Embryo: PEAS!  
  
Assistant Engine: Well, Dr. Embryo, what's so good about that?  
  
Embryo: Why don't you try them, Engine?  
  
Assistant Engine: Okay, sure. I mean, they're just peas...  
  
He eats the peas and is delighted.  
  
Assistant Engine: Mmm, these are good! There's a little taste I can't quite put my finger on, though...  
  
Embryo: Mwahahaha! MY SECRET INGREDIENT! Ammonia!  
  
Assistant Engine stares at Dr. Embryo for a long time, eyes as wide as saucers. He then explodes.  
  
Embryo: BWAHAHAHA! Your days are numbered, Phoenix!  
  
At risk of the script being mutilated, I bring you...  
  
CRASH GOES STUPID FIVE: STUPIDITY SHOULD BE PAINFUL!  
  
Starring... Crash, Coco, and Tawna Bandicoot!  
  
...so they didn't alter it at all? WHEW!  
  
Ink squirts out of the script and hits my nemesis right in the eye  
  
Darn you, ! I'll kill you if it's the last thing I ever do!  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
From the mansion we all know as Moron Manor, we hear loud laughing from one of the un-knowing bandicoots...  
  
Crash: Wahahahohohoho!  
  
Coco: You'll never sound like Cortex if you keep doing it like that!  
  
Tawna: ...haven't we done this before?  
  
Crash: My memory doesn't seem to recall...  
  
Coco: What memory?  
  
Crash: Shut it! Or I'll sic Uku Uku on you!  
  
Coco: NOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT?!?!  
  
Tawna: You mean you STILL haven't gotten over your fear of that stupid mask?  
  
Coco: It's scary!  
  
Tawna: For crying out loud, Coco, it's a spray-painted hockey mask!  
  
Coco: So? Remember that movie "Tuesday the 17th?" That robber-dude, Mason, wore a hockey mask... and picked stuff out of people's pockets! So much stuff stolen!  
  
Tawna: Yeah... whatever.  
  
Crash: STOOGE! Hoohoohahahaha!  
  
Coco: Hey, I think you got it!  
  
Crash: Sigh... how many times must I tell you. I DO NOT NEED YOUR...  
  
Coco: But you sound like Cortex!  
  
Crash: Oh, really! COOL!  
  
Tawna: Yay! For once, Crash has done something a quarter of the way intelligent! Let's celebrate!  
  
Coco hits Crash over the head wit a frying pan.  
  
Coco: My celebratin's done!  
  
Tawna: Um... okay, sure.  
  
Crash: (with teeth falling out) But daddy, the grandkids ate all the Wumpa Popsicles...  
  
He faints.  
  
Tawna: Oh, great! See what you just did? Now he's knocked out cold!  
  
Coco: ...so?  
  
Tawna: ...I see your point. Wanna play Scrabble?  
  
Coco: I'm in!  
  
Crocodingo: Arg!  
  
Tawna: AAAGH! Where'd you come from?  
  
Coco: Well, you see, Tawna, the stork...  
  
Tawna: QUIET! Nobody asked you.  
  
Coco: You never asked nobody nothing!  
  
Tawna: Yes I did! I asked Crocodingo where he came from, and then you started with your STUPID stork stuff, and then I told you to shut up 'cause nobody asked you, and then you said that I never asked anybody anything, and then I contradicted and began telling you that I asked Crocodingo where he came from, and then you started with your STUPID stork stuff, and then I told you to shut up 'cause nobody asked you, and then you said that I never asked anybody anything, and then I contradicted and began telling you that I told you that I asked Crocodingo where he came from, and then you started with your STUPID stork stuff, and then I told you to shut up 'cause nobody asked you, and then you said that I never asked anybody anything, and then I contradicted and began telling you that...  
  
Coco: NO! FNC got us again!  
  
FNC: HAHAHA! I sure did! And boy, IT WAS FUNNY!  
  
Coco: What's that sound?  
  
Tawna: Hmm... it's really odd...  
  
Coco: What is it with your obsession with God's brother?!  
  
Tawna: Shut it, stooge!  
  
Coco: (Looking over to Crash) Yo, boy stupidus, you gonna wake up anytime soon?  
  
Crash: Mlehehuh...  
  
Coco: 'Casue I'm getting sick of being called a...  
  
Crash: (jerking up) STOOGE!  
  
Coco: DOH!!!!!  
  
Crash: Hey, what's that sound?  
  
Coco: We were wondering that ourselves.  
  
Tawna: If you listen real closely, it sounds like Crocodingo's chewing on...  
  
Bandistooges: THE LOVESEAT!  
  
The bandistooges take off into the living room. No Crocodingo is to be found.  
  
Crash: I thought you said Crocodingo was chewing on the loveseat!  
  
Tawna: The loveseat was YOUR idea!  
  
Coco: Wait a minute... we have a loveseat?  
  
Crash and Tawna: NO!  
  
Coco: I thought so.  
  
Tawna: I belive you contradicted yourself.  
  
Coco: How do you know?  
  
Tawna: I just do, for I am three times smarter than the average household parrot.  
  
Crash: Tawna want a cracker?  
  
Tawna: Three, please.  
  
Coco: Hey, no fair! How come SHE gets three?  
  
Tawna: 'Casue I'm your superior!  
  
Coco: But when we took those I.Q tests, yours was only 7!  
  
Crash: Need I remind you whose was 9?  
  
Coco: Shut it! You only beat me by a point.  
  
Tawna: What kind of scale do they rate those on, anyways?  
  
Crash: Dunno, but it sounds like ours are pretty high!  
  
Coco: Betcha Einstein only got a 4.  
  
Tawna: Do you even know who Einstein was?  
  
Coco: Of course! ...not.  
  
Tawna: Good! ...'cause neither do I.  
  
Crash: Fools! For I, the only Bandicoot worldwide with an I.Q. of 9, know that Einstein is a brand of cheese whiz most popular with college fraternities.  
  
Coco and Tawna: ...oooooooh.  
  
Crash: Ah, sweet admiration...  
  
Coco: ...I didn't know...that you were such a STOOGE!  
  
Crash: DOH!  
  
Crocodingo: Arg arg!  
  
Tawna: Crocodingo! Where've ya been all these years?  
  
Coco: I thought he was gone for only a few minutes.  
  
Tawna: Well... um... it SEEMED like years!  
  
Crash: (whispering to Coco) Yeah. Stooge years!  
  
Tawna: I HEARD THAT!  
  
Coco: Heard what?  
  
Tawna: Um... uh... hold on, gimme a minute...  
  
Crash: Do you even remember what we were talking about in the first place?  
  
Tawna: (beginning to sweat) ...uh...um...  
  
Crash: 'Cause I forget.  
  
Tawna: Whew!  
  
The phone begins to ring.  
  
Crash: Get that! Foolish underling Coco!  
  
Coco: I swear, if he mentions that one more time...  
  
Crash: Mention that!  
  
Coco: AAAAAAGH!  
  
She picks up the phone on the third ring.  
  
Coco: Hello?  
  
Random person: WAZAAAAAAAAAAAP?  
  
Coco: Huh?  
  
Random Person: WAZAAAAAAAAAAAP?  
  
Coco: Oh, I get it! WAZAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Random Person: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Coco: -AAAAAAAAAAP? Hey, Crash! Get the cordless!  
  
Crash: Foolish underling, ordering ME around... (picks up cordless phone) Hello?  
  
Random Person: WAZAAAAAAAAAAP?  
  
Coco: WAZAAAAAAAAAAP?  
  
Crash: What is going on here?  
  
Coco: Come on, Crash! WAZAAAAAAAAAAP?  
  
Crash: Fine, if you insist. WAZAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Coco: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Random Person: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Crash: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Random Person: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Coco: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Crash: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP? Hey, this is pretty fun!  
  
Tawna: What are you two doing?  
  
Crash: Watching the game, havin' a Bud.  
  
Coco: True, true.  
  
Tawna: No, no, false, false! There's no game here...  
  
Coco: We're playing the WAZAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Random Person: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Crash: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Tawna: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Random Person: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Coco: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Crash: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
  
Tawna: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP! Game! Wait a minute, why did I just end that?  
  
Crash: 'Cause FNC made ya.  
  
Coco: STOOGE!  
  
She hangs up, and Crash follows suit.  
  
Coco: So, Crash, who was that?  
  
Crash: Heck if I know.  
  
Coco: Oh. I would have never involved you had I known you didn't know him.  
  
Crash: Whatever. Stupid Stooge...  
  
Coco: I'm not a Stupid Stooge! TAWNA'S a Stupid Stooge!  
  
Tawna: But I thought YOU were the Stupid Stooge, Coco!  
  
Coco: That's what I said! Crash is a Stupid Stooge!  
  
Crash: Hey! Shut up, Stupid Stooge Tawna!  
  
Tawna: No! YOU'RE a Stupid Stooge!  
  
Coco: I sure am a Stupid Stooge! No, wait...  
  
Crash: HAHAHAHA! Stupid Stooge!  
  
Coco: But I thought Crocodingo was the Stupid Stooge!  
  
Crocodingo: Arg!  
  
Thank GOD the only relatively smart one stopped that.  
  
Crash: Wait! I thought...  
  
Tawna: You never think!  
  
Crash: You know, I think you're ri...  
  
Coco: Didn't you just hear her?  
  
Crash: Huh? Crash no hear.  
  
Tawna: Wait a second... what's THAT sound?  
  
Coco: If my hearing's as keen as it is, it should be an evil, maniacal rhesus monkey chewing on...  
  
Bandistooges: THE RECLINER!  
  
They all dash to the basement, but nothing out of the ordinary awaits. Besides the alligators and the murky swamp water and the plastic skeleton chained to the wall and... wait, what ISN'T out of the ordinary down there, anyways? I dunno, but I don't get paid to think.  
  
No. You don't get paid period.  
  
Wait, then why am I doing this?  
  
Y'know, I never thought of that! I guess the biggest stooge of all is YOU!  
  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Now that he's gone insane... what am I talking about, "going"? ANYWAYS, I am the new narrator for the rest of the fic. I should have been the narrator all along, but, well, that's FNC productions for ya. But anyways, there are no evil, maniacal rhesus monkeys awaiting them... heck, there's no recliner, for that matter.  
  
Coco: We don't have a recliner?  
  
Crash and Tawna: NO!  
  
Coco: Then we should get one!  
  
Tawna: And where will we come up with the money?  
  
Crash: We should do another rap contest down at Klub Katz!  
  
Coco: Earth to Loser, Klub Katz has been closed down for three months now.  
  
Crash: How did that happen?  
  
Coco: I dunno, but from what I heard, it's because these real losers named Crash, Coco, Tawna, and Crocodingo made up this really bad rap for a competition, and it was so downright horrible that nobody ever wanted to come back.  
  
Tawna: ...you made that up, didn't you?!  
  
Coco: (looking away meekly) Yes, Tawna.  
  
Crash: Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's go back to Klub Katz!  
  
Hours later, the idiots arrive at Klub Katz... well, what's left. The sign's down, the windows and doors are boarded up, and attached to the door is a piece of paper that reads "Klozed due to really bad rapping".  
  
Crash: Tawna, I thought you said this place was still open!  
  
Tawna: Coco said she was lying!  
  
Coco: I was! I was lying... about lying!  
  
Crash: Hooray! Double negatives!  
  
Tawna: What's so good about that?  
  
Crash: Y'know, I never thought of that.  
  
Coco: He doesn't even know what a double negative is!  
  
Crash: Oh yeah? Well, if you're so smart, what is a Double Negative?  
  
Coco: Simple! A double negative is a negative that is doubled!  
  
Tawna: Wow... she really is super-smart!  
  
Crash: I admire you.  
  
Coco: But of course, measly underlings!  
  
Crash: Wait a minute... y'know, that statement was supposed to spark something in my mind and make me say something so outrageously stupid it would have brought us all down to lows never before though possible... but I forgot what we were doing, or even who I am. Is this heaven?  
  
Tawna: No... (puts on the Uku Uku Mask) it's THE OTHER PLACE!!! MUHAHAHAHA!  
  
Crash and Coco: EEEEEEK!  
  
They both take off down the street.  
  
Tawna: Mwahahaha! Hmmm... now I'm all alone...  
  
Crocodingo: Arg?  
  
Tawna: SHUT IT, YOU STUPID ANIMAL! Can't you see I'm brooding?  
  
Crocodingo: Arg...  
  
Tawna: ...gee, sure sucks when you're bored. And alone... Gee, why does nobody love me?!  
  
At this point, Crash and Coco return from their little jog.  
  
Tawna: MY FRIENDS! You came back!  
  
Coco: Duh!  
  
Crash: STOOGE!  
  
Tawna: That's it! You're not my friends anymore!  
  
Crash: Were we ever?  
  
Tawna: You know, I think you're right!  
  
Coco: Hey, what's that sound?  
  
Crash: Dunno, but if I'm as dumb as I am, it SHOULD be a cheap, cliched Godzilla clone chewing on...  
  
Bandistooges: MORON MANOR!!!  
  
They make a mad dash to Moron Manor, only to find the Manor intact, and no cheap, cliched Godzilla clones anywhere in sight.  
  
Tawna: Y'know, that's the third time we've thought we heard something chewing on something, and we've rished over to save it, only to find it was just our imaginations...  
  
Crash: FNC GOT US AGAIN! AWWWW!  
  
Coco: Can we PLEASE just end this stupid fic? I'm tired and I wanna go to bed!  
  
Crash: Aww! Tawna, why must we hang around this whining, stupid, stoogelike, babified, unintelligent, ignorant, moronic, idiotic, pampered...  
  
Okay, now I'M wanting to end this!  
  
Crash: ....babbling, nasal, insultive, Coco-like, retarded...  
  
Tawna: CRASH! The narrator said to wrap it up!  
  
Crash: ...pokey sluggish baby?  
  
THANK YOU! Join us next time for Crash Goes Stupid Six! Dipust is Stupid Spelled in Reverse!  
  
...what's that sound? If my narrating skills are what they are, it SHOULD be FNC chewing on... MY BRAIN! AAAGH!  
  
FNC: (with 's brains hanging out of his mouth) MWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
The moral of the story: FNC rules all that is stupid.  
  
Like said before is well-timed death, return soon for CGS6: Dipust is Stupid Spelled in Reverse, which is the sequel to the fic you just read, CGS5: Look at Me When I'm Being Stupid, which in turn followed CGS4: Stupidity Should be Painful, which came after CGS3: Aww, it's a rerun, which was preceded by CGS2: Stupider Than B4, which was the sequel to the original Crash Goes Stupid.  
  
FNC: Don't ya hate it when I make you read the same thing over and over again? Don't ya hate it when I make you read the same thing over and over again? Don't ya hate it when I make you read the same thing over and over again? Don't ya hate it when I make you read the same thing over and over again? Don't ya hate it when I make you read the same thing over and over again? Don't ya hate it when I make you read the same thing over and over again? Don't ya hate it when I make you read the same thing over and over again? Don't ya hate it when I make you read the same thing over and over again? Don't ya... 


End file.
